It’s fair to say I’ve encountered a lot in my short time so far as a parent.
I’ve been spewed on, pooed on, weed on and dribbled on.
I’ve been scratched, bitten, pinched, poked, sat on and squashed and had my hair pulled numerous times.
You name it, it’s pretty much happened, well still is happening.
I guess you kind of get used to it all…..eventually!
And with every day producing all kinds of excitement and mayhem, I’ve started to realise and take note of some of the things I say.
Oh the things you’ll hear coming out of your own mouth you never thought possible….that is until you have children.
You can pretty much hear your own parents over your shoulder as the words come tumbling out.
I used to laugh when I overheard other parents telling their kids not to say or do ridiculous things.
Now I think I’m the one being laughed at.
It’s no surprise really considering at times I probably sound pretty silly.
The words can be normal, odd and sometimes extremely random, just like children.
So here goes:
•Don’t pick your nose.
•Don’t touch your poo.
•Don’t drink the bath water.
•That doesn’t go up your nose.
•Don’t lick the shower glass.
•Stop kicking in the bath like you are in a swimming pool.
•Slow down or you will trip over your own feet.
•What have you got in your mouth? That is not food!
•We don’t eat crayons, we draw with them.
•Don’t pat your sister’s head, she is not a dog!
•Don’t squash your sister, you know she will get you back one day.
•Don’t eat your clothes.
•Don’t eat your hair.
•I have no idea what you’re saying, it sounds like another language.
•You have to pay attention and look where you are going, you don’t have eyes in the back of your head.
•Are you even listening to me? Or am I speaking to myself?
•Your bed/the lounge is not a trampoline, don’t jump on it!
•How about you try eating your dinner (or food in general) rather than painting with it?
•Don’t wipe your hands on your clothes, unless you want to do the washing?!
•Why are you putting toys in the bin? (Probably has a lot to do with us threatening to do it, haha!)
•What did I just step in?! (Is it water or wee?)
•Don’t give me a reason to smack you.
•I’m the parent, you are my child, which makes me the boss whether you like it or not.
•Leave that straw in your drink, don’t use it as a toy!
•Don’t make me come in there.
•I’m not even going to ask how you got food up your nose.
•If you don’t start behaving I’m cancelling your birthday! (It was at this moment my husband and I agreed that we sounded like our own parents!)
•You have to brush your teeth or they might fall out.
•If I have to tell you one more time…
•Oh well we can’t go out now because you haven’t eaten your breakfast.
•An oldie but a goodie….I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…
This is just the PG version, I’m sure you can imagine some others! The list could go on and I’ve likely forgotten many but I’m sure there will be plenty more ahead of us.
But I must admit, although at times what I (we) say sounds funny, it’s never quite as hilarious when your toddler throws it back at you!
As always, that’s another story…..