An ever-changing role

Has being a mother changed me as a person?

You bet it has! I may not be the same person I was a long time ago and pre-kids, but I’m much richer for the person I have become and keep changing into. It’s taken a lot to get to this point. I’ve lost a lot personally (some I’m really glad I did, especially looking back now) and I’ve also gained some more positive influences in my life along the way as well, you all know who you are! I’m not sorry if you don’t like me now, that’s your choice. And if you do like me, good luck to you, haha! I know I have two little ladies or pains-in-the-butt (depending on the day) that think I’m the best person in their world…most of the time…and that’s all that really matters at the end of the day.

We spend so much time trying to live up to this idea of the “perfect mother”. Who and where the hell is she? She doesn’t exist. No, really she doesn’t and I’m happy to argue that point with anyone who’s keen. I’ll admit I’m just as bad as everyone else out there, thinking that I need to be the most perfect mother. To say the right things and make sure my children have everything under the sun, just because. Why? It doesn’t mean they’ll turn out any differently or be any better than any other kid out there. To me, that is probably more about how we interact behind closed doors. I scream, yell and swear when my kids are driving me crazy (who doesn’t??) but I also have a softer side too.

I’m forever telling my girls how much I love them, how beautiful they are, giving them big cuddles and kisses because I want them to know, not only how important they are to me, but also how much they should value themselves and their place in the world. Yeah I know, I should really take some of my own advice, but that never works! When you have kids, you make a bucket load of promises about how different their lives will be and that you won’t have the biggest brats in the world. They certainly have their moments, haha!

I’m constantly worried that I’m screwing their lives up majorly and doing the wrong thing all the time, that I’m the worst mother in the world. My girls reassure me I’m the best mummy ever and it melts my heart. Maybe I’m doing something a little bit right after all. But who can tell? There is no rule book. How I do things for my girls may not work for other mums out there and there is nothing wrong with that. You can parent how you want to and I’m certainly going to keep doing things my way. Whether it works all the time, well, that’s another story. Just when I think I’ve got some kind of handle on things; my girls throw another spanner in the works and I’m back to square one. It certainly keeps life interesting.

Until next time…you’ll find me enjoying plenty of kisses and cuddles with my little munchkins, I know they won’t last forever!

Living the life of Mum

“Mummy you’re a bum bum face.”
“Mummy you have a big bum.”
“Mummy you’re silly.”
“Mummy I don’t like you anymore.”
“Mummy Mummy Mummy….”
“Mummy I love you.”

Out of the lot I definitely prefer the last one. Not sure I hear it as much as I’d like but I’ll take it when I can.
Kids have no filter. If they want to say something, they will.
It doesn’t matter if it hurts your feelings or not. You have to sort of pretend it doesn’t even if you want to cry big ugly tears. Or sometimes I may just say a few things back to my “lovely” daughters. Not exactly the most adult thing to do, but if you can’t beat them, join them right?!

When I became a mum, my whole world changed.
Everything I thought I knew was turned upside down.
I was catapulted into the unknown, a scary place for me, especially when I’m used to having some sort of control over things in my life.

But motherhood was a role I took on with the same strength and attitude I do with most things in my life, head on.
Did I fail?
Multiple times. Actually more times than I want to remember.
Do I still fail?
Hell all the time.
But I pick myself up and continue.
Why?
There’s two beautiful girls relying on mummy to give them the direction they need in life.
Whether it’s the right or wrong direction remains to be seen, but I’m doing the best I can.

There are days when I feel I can’t do this. And there are days where I’m winning at being a mum (there’s bribery involved of course, haha). I’ve accepted that it’s definitely not easy, take all the help you can – even if you don’t want to and try to keep smiling even when your children are being feral. It doesn’t always work.

I still yell, get annoyed and angry when they don’t listen and then I feel guilty for not being a happy mummy. As mums, we put so much pressure on ourselves to live up to this expectation of being the best mum ever. It’s unrealistic, yet we constantly beat ourselves up over silly little things. I do it all the time. And I have no doubt I will continue to do it for years to come.

My girls are beautiful bundles of endless energy. They run me off my feet. Their attitudes are a little bit at the “already killing me” stage and I know I’ve still got plenty more fun ahead of me. But I would be lost without them. As much as they drive me crazy I’m glad they chose me to be their mum (yeah I did get a tear in my eye).

On that note, I’d like to wish all the mums, mums-to-be, my beautiful and amazing mum and everyone else who fills the role in some way, a very Happy Mother’s Day for this Sunday.
Enjoy being spoilt (if you’re lucky) because if you aren’t already doing all the usual “Mum” things, you will be again the next day!

Like mother, like daughters

My mini me’s have been at it again.

What now? Oh, just the usual for a four-year-old full of attitude and her cheeky two-year-old sister who likes to copy everything she can. I’ve been told “no” and “don’t you dare mummy” more times than I dare to count. I’ve also been huffed and grunted at, had eyes rolled at me, watched feet stomping and hands on hips in defiance and above all else ignored on a regular basis. It’s all pretty much an every day occurrence. Ahhhhh, kids. You love them because that’s just who you are as mummy and what you do. But there are times, when you don’t have to like them!

And there are plenty of things that I don’t like, but I’m pretty much just a passenger on this journey most days. It doesn’t matter what I say or do, I can be pretty much invisible. Well, until I have something they want or suggest we go do something and then I become their most favourite person on the planet. I already am anyway (haha!) but it’s always nice to be loved when they want something!

One thing I’m noticing more as the girls get older is they don’t forget, especially if they have been promised something. Once upon a time you could tell them we’d do it later and hope they would forget. Not anymore. If they have been promised a treat for being good, they’ll hold you to it. I just have to be mindful only to offer up a reward that’s definitely achievable, or maybe I should go for something out of their reach…insert evil laugh here. Nah I’m not that mean. I find a little bit of encouragement can go a long way with my two cherubs, especially if chocolate is on offer. The apple certainly didn’t fall far from the tree on that one!

One thing’s for sure, my babies are growing up fast. Sometimes it feels a little too fast. Next week my big girl starts kindy (eeeek!) and my “baby” will be off to try the world of daycare for one day a week. I’m not even worried at all. The girls are pretty excited, especially knowing they’ll be across the hallway from each other. It’s funny how they almost kill each other at home but I think being at the same centre for kindy and daycare and when the time comes, at school together, they’ll always have each other’s backs. I’ve said many times before, those two share a special bond, one only they can understand. It always makes me smile knowing they have each other, no matter what.

Even though they’re getting bigger by the day, there are also times I reminded just how little and impressionable they are. That is until one of them blows a raspberry in my face or better yet, farts. But despite all the tantrums and carry on we definitely have a lot of fun, laughter and good times. Like most people, I do enjoy a bit of “me time” but after awhile I miss my babies and their infectious giggles, it’s a sound that just melts my heart. Plus, I have to admit their cuddles are the best!

Until next time, keep smiling and remember even on a bad day, you have got this!