Monkey see, monkey do

Life really can be hard to figure out sometimes. I know my role and what I should be doing but it doesn’t always feel like that’s the path it should follow. Confused? Yeah me too! Haha! Parenting is downright confusing, hard and like the world’s biggest and never ending rollercoaster! But no one ever said it was going to be easy.

I recently read a blog that a mother had written to her first born and it triggered a fair bit of emotion in me (what’s new really?). She spoke about how her firstborn child was the one that made her a mother and she felt that she was tougher on that child because they were first in line. It hit me hard on so many levels.

I know the pain of expecting maybe a little too much from my first born because she is the eldest. Even as I write this I’m tearing up. In my head she is growing by the second but in my heart she will always be my baby. I feel torn because teaching her that in her role as the eldest sibling she forges the path for her younger sister, but in reality it doesn’t matter or at least it shouldn’t. Maybe I just want everything to be perfect for her when in reality, it shouldn’t make any difference. But you never think about it in the moment when everything is happening right in front of you.

Sometimes I worry I’m making her grow up quicker than she needs to and that she is still only little in the whole scheme of things. Maybe I’m in denial, knowing that while she needs me, a part of her doesn’t and I’m still trying to control that part and in return she retaliates. Usually with stubbornness, attitude and oh so much sass. Many would say she’s definitely my daughter. Not sure I see the resemblance, haha!

Maybe not having been the eldest myself growing up, my opinion and view of how to treat my own girls is somewhat flawed. I watched as my older brother got away with quite a lot (he would deny this of course) and it set the benchmark for what I could or rather was never allowed to do! I don’t know the answers, maybe I never will and that’s just how the journey is meant to go.

From watching both my daughters forge their paths in this tumultuous world, what I can say I have noticed about them both is their tenacity and strength to be themselves. Oh do I live and breathe it daily. It frustrates me and almost breaks me but deep down a little bit of pride sneaks up too. I can’t always control the way things happen (it’s one of my weaknesses that I struggle with, but that’s a whole other story) and I know I should just let them be but then the realities of having to parent kick in. But that’s all part of the fun, at least that’s what I keep telling myself anyway. If you see me rocking in the corner, come and save me, haha!

A new chapter

Life is about to become crazy again.

Not long to go until our cosy little family of three becomes four.

While I’m excited at the prospect of meeting our new addition to the family, I’m a little nervous too.

It’s been just the three of us for so long, it’s hard to imagine a new little personality in the mix.

Not to mention I keep thinking about how Miss Izzie is going to react.

Then there’s the whole idea of juggling two kids.

I’m well aware it’s not a new concept.

Generation upon generation before me have dealt with multiple children under one roof and they have all survived.

Well as far as I can tell anyway.

We’ve been telling Izzie for months about the bubba in mummy’s belly and while she points saying “bubba/baby”, I’m not really sure how much she understands.

Especially when she’s having fun and jumps on me, hitting my belly first!

But I’m trying to remain optimistic about her impending reaction, despite the many opinions flying my way.

I’m already going down the path of explaining to her about how much she can help mummy with the new baby.

I’ve told her she can help put dirty nappies in the bin, give the baby lots of cuddles and help mummy with washing and putting clothes away.

We’ll see how long the novelty lasts!

There’s definitely no guarantees and I’m expecting there to be tantrums and drama but I can live in my bubble of hope….until it all goes pear-shaped anyway.

I guess my biggest fear is that Miss Izzie is going to think mummy doesn’t have as much time for her with a new baby in the house.

Yes I’m probably being silly, but for the past two and a bit years it’s been the two of us hanging out together when daddy’s at work.

We read, play, laugh and have a great time.

I’m going to do my best to spend as much one-on-one time with her as I can, but I know things are going to be different.

Our family dynamic is going to change and that’s the reality of life.

It’s just about how we embrace it and move forward.

Despite my worries and nervousness, I must admit I am looking forward to the snuggly newborn cuddles again.

Team that up with the sweet hugs and kisses Izzie gives me and I might just survive whatever else is coming my way.

I’m thinking broken sleep, piles of washing, a messy house, a cheeky toddler and of course who could forget crazy hormones?!

Somewhere in there might be a disheveled husband….I’ll do my best to be nice to him, haha!

And hopefully we all make it out the other side…..