Always there

There’s nothing scarier than being a mum. Okay, maybe being taken by a shark or twisty rollercoasters might be up there, but you get what I mean. It terrifies me to think I’m responsible for two little humans. That it’s up to me to help shape their future, teach them things and help them become the best person they can be. But I (try to) take it all in my stride, most days anyway. But it is a big responsibility and I have moments where I suck at it. Yep, you read that right, there are times I consider myself a pretty crappy mum.

For example, I let my girls watch TV while they’re eating breakfast, which more often than not is a Nutella wrap. Yep, I’m that parent. There are many times you’ll find them playing games on their LeapPads. That probably makes me lazy or irresponsible, so be it. I also let them eat chips, chocolate, biscuits and other junk food. Yep, I’m a bad mum. Judge me if you want to because I don’t really care! Well, a small part of me probably does, but shhhh don’t tell anyone.

But you know what?! They’re still pretty good kids, from what I can tell anyway and I’m biased so probably not the best judge. I may call them terrors or turds or whatever suits at the time but they use their manners (about 80% of the time anyway), mostly do as they’re told and play nicely with other kids. I’ve said so many times before, there is no instruction manual when it comes to raising kids, so I’m winging it! I stuff it up all the time. I swear, I yell and I make the wrong decisions. ALL THE TIME! I’m definitely not up for Mother of the Year and I don’t want to be. I’m just doing my best. If that means my kids hate me at times, there’s not much I can do to change it. But that’s all part of the process right?!

I often wonder what life would be like without kids. Where would I be? What would I be doing, still writing? Obviously about different, more adult topics, haha! But I don’t want to change it. As hard as things can be, especially after the last couple of years, I don’t think I’d change too much. I think we’re doing okay and as I’ve been saying for years, they are still alive so I must be doing something right, well I can only hope anyway!

To my girls: I’m your mum, nothing will ever change that. I may think sometimes I want to change it, but that’s likely because you have driven me crazy. I love you even when you tell me you hate me. It hurts to hear you say it, but deep down I try to remember you’re only saying it out of feeling and frustration, well I hope so anyway or I’m way off! I will always be there for you, even when I’m angry or sad because you two are the most important people in my life and always will be! Don’t ever let anyone dampen your spirit or try to stop you from shining bright because the world would be a dull place without your individual and sometimes crazy personalities. Keep being you, ALWAYS!

From strength to strength

You can do this. Yes, you.
I’m talking to the have been doing it for years mum, the new mum, the soon-to-be mum and everyone else out there who fulfils the parenting role.
Even on those terrible, no sleep, crying your eyes, exhausting days, where you feel like a complete mess, you’ve still got this.
So many of my beautiful friends are having or about to have babies, some for the first time.
It’s a foreign world but it can be a rewarding one.
You will feel out of your depth more times than you can count.
You will feel like you are a Supermum one minute and then a complete and utter failure the next.
But it’s okay. Even if it feels like it’s not. Trust me.
I’m no expert but I have ridden the rollercoaster of being a new parent and have two cheeky, defiant, attitude riddled but lovable little girls to show for it.

Since I became a mum for the first time five and a half years ago, I have discovered so many things (and this is definitely not everything!!):
• It’s ok to cry (for both you and your baby/child).
• Your baby can be left to cry for more than five seconds, it doesn’t make you a bad mum!
• You can never give your kids too many hugs, even when they’re pushing you away.
• Banana stains are painful to get out of clothes. Why??!!!
• Routine is awesome, kids thrive on it and then they start to tell you if you change it or get it wrong!
• You will not win an argument with a two-year-old (three-year-old, four-year-old, etc) so don’t even try. One day your triumph will come!
• You’re always wrong, even though nine times out of 10 you are so right! That other time doesn’t really count!
• Don’t take your kids to the shops unless you have to – they will tell you they have to have everything!
• You will still rock back and forth with a shopping trolley long after your kids are out of the pram stage!
• Always triple check (and maybe once more for good measure) how they want their sandwich cut! Hell hath no fury like a toddler who wanted triangles and not squares!
• Your kids will tell you they hate you one minute and then melt your heart the next (little turds!).
• You will always love them even if you think you can’t, it’s more a case of you don’t like them at times.
• Enjoy as much as you can, when you can, they grow up very quickly!

But above all else, no matter how big they get, they will always need you. You are their rock, their go-to, their safe place and their comfort. I know I still need my mum and I’m now her all grown up baby!
So don’t ever think you’re failing because they will truly show you that you are not!
But if things ever get hard and they will, turn to someone. Ask for help and don’t be afraid. It’s something I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t do enough of and I wish I had. Who am I kidding?! I still struggle to ask for help now but it’s my own fault and I’m working on it! But just know at least someone out there has always got your back.

Looking forward and back again

What a year!

And just like that, another year is over. Thank f#%@ing goodness!

If you blinked you’ve missed it. Well not quite, but there’s days when it has certainly felt like that.

It’s been another year of ups and downs. Some more moments I’d like to forget and a few bits of good thrown in, but I think 2018 can join the list of recent years that I can’t wait to see the back of. Yeah I know very negative, but as always I’m all about honesty. A lot of people either admire or hate that about me. I’m not going to lie, at least you always know where you stand!

It’s felt like a year of medical misfortune for my girls and I. Poor Miss Pheebs endured two operations and Miss Izzie one, both saying see ya later to their tonsils and adenoids. They’re tough little warriors and despite a few tears have soldiered on pretty well!
For me, came the inevitable diagnosis but much sooner than I expected of being a type 1 diabetic. I’m not saying “poor me” as there are people who have lived with this terrible disease since they were little kids, but it does suck and changes your life big time! I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, well except maybe a couple of people who have done the wrong thing in the last few years.

But on another note, there has been some good this year!
After much searching and determination I landed a couple of freelance writing gigs, paid ones too, woohoo! While it may not seem like much, it’s taken some time to get to this point and start feeling like a worker again! Plus as much as I love writing about the (mis) adventures with my girls, it’s nice to be writing stories and doing business work again. Here’s to even more work in 2019!

And next year (which is literally around the corner) my big girl starts school. She’s excited but I think a little nervous too, maybe Mummy is a little bit too. She’s going to have a ball and love it because just like her mum, she has a curious nature. Bossy too perhaps, but you can’t have it all one way, haha!
She certainly has sass, sometimes a little too much. Her sister isn’t far behind her.
I can only hope they grow into strong women thanks to their fierce determination to leave as big a mark on the world as much as they do each other!

I could talk about so much, but who has the time?! It’s been a rollercoaster of a year, but we’ve packed in some adventures as well, which has meant creating some everlasting memories with family and friends and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

See you later 2018, I’m looking forward to having you gone!

So bring it on 2019, but please be kind, I could do with a better year for a change, it’s not asking for much, is it?