Going up and down – where is the middle ground?

There are days my heart feels full and other days where it feels heavy. The strain of motherhood knows no bounds. The responsibility for the little people in my life can sometimes get a bit overwhelming. They can drive me to the brink of insanity and then just when I feel like I’m going to tip over the edge, they make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Kids!

I’ve been told I’m both hated and the best mummy in the whole world in the space of about two minutes. I’m not here to win any fans, but I certainly wasn’t aiming for being the worst so soon. I feel I must be doing something right, somehow. Even though just quietly, it feels like I’m doing it all wrong!

The best you can hope for in raising kids is that you keep them alive and that one day when the toughest years disappear behind you, that you have done your best and raised a decent young person. No one tells you to how to guide them, you’re pretty much winging it from sunrise to sunset. I am only human, after all. Sometimes I think my girls must think I’m superhuman (well we sort of are!) and that I can make absolutely anything happen.

The most I can hope for is they know that despite everything we have been through and endured in these youngest years of their lives, is that mummy did her best. Even though I yell, swear, walk away angry, say things I shouldn’t and even cry, I’m still trying to be the best mummy I can be.

We have days full of tears and tantrums (sometimes mine, sometimes theirs) and others loaded with fun and laughter. But I can tell you I’m already a bit over hearing the words “I’m bored”. Even when there is plenty to do, how can you be bored??! It must be yet another rite of passage as a child to utter that phrase over and over again to see how much you can irritate your parents! If it’s not “I’m bored”, it’s along the lines of “what can we do mummy?” because apparently I have to completely fill the day up with activities so we don’t get bored (insert eye roll here, haha!).

One of the most difficult things I’ve encountered lately is having two feral children who act like they belong in a zoo. Running around the house, throwing things, talking back and being rude, demanding I do everything, it goes on! It drives me insane and they think it’s funny, so up goes the needle on my anger metre even more. I think they might even get a bit of a kick out of seeing how far they can push mummy. Before I blow a gasket I do my best to remember they are my monsters and luckily I love them!

Being a mum is hard work but it can also be somewhat rewarding. Knowing I’m their person (and hopefully always will be) that they turn to when they need a hug or just a bit of help is a pretty big deal. I still need my mum now and I haven’t been a kid for a very long time. It’s all about finding the right balance apparently, if anyone out there has found it, let me know how so I can join this elusive and exclusive club too, haha! In the meantime I’ll be in the corner pulling my hair out…and probably yelling too, some people say I do it really well, that’s got to count for something, right?!

Two against one

“I’ve got this.”

“I can do this.”

That’s what I kept telling myself every time I thought I would lose it at a shrieking toddler or screaming baby earlier this week.

After a blissful (haha) month together my lovely husband returned to work last weekend leaving me expecting the worst with our two daughters in tow.

Have I survived?

If you had asked me that question a couple of days ago I might be behind bars for smacking you over the head.

But despite a few rough moments, it wasn’t as bad as I thought!

I’m not going to lie I did find things a bit overwhelming at times and I often thought about hiding in the cupboard!

But reminding myself that nothing the girls did was to intentionally annoy me (most of the time) kept me going.

I often turn to the most influential woman in my life for advice (my beautiful mum) to help me through both the good and bad times.

And this was no exception.

Along with telling me that “I’d be fine”, she also reminded me that this time in my children’s lives is a short one and will pass in the blink of an eye.

As my Mum’s baby, I’m sure she’s speaking both wistfully and with a wealth of experience under her belt!

After all my older brother and I are not only still alive to tell any tales but also bringing up our own children.

I’ve found that while everyone’s experience is different, to me, parenting is both rewarding and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done!

Even more so juggling a toddler with a new baby but we seem to be finding a rhythm that works….most days!

And although he doesn’t know this (probably because I spend more time snapping at him) but I do appreciate the help of my husband, I just have a funny way of showing it.

But back to that shrieking toddler and screaming baby….my little humans who have no choice but to love me unconditionally, for now!

Yes they will push my buttons.

They will make me cry, scream and yell.

They will make me smile and laugh, both with them and at them.

No doubt, once they’re older, they will gang up on me and see what they can get away with.

And yes, one day they will probably hate me too.

But it means I will have done something right.

I will have been and continue to be their mum.

And let’s be honest if they don’t like whatever I throw at them, there’s a funny little quote I found for my mum years ago they might just hear….

“I brought you into this world and I can take you out again”.

Feeding frenzy

It’s official.

I’m just a milk machine again.

Our latest little bundle of joy is now almost two weeks old and very much settled into the household.

Miss Phoebe (yep, another girl has joined the ranks) had a quick entrance into the world surprising us all by arriving both before an anticipated induction and after only two and half hours of labour (no pain relief either!).

Now that you’ve finished cursing me for being lucky it’s time to sympathize instead (haha)!

My eyes are hanging out of my head, my boobs have a mind of their own and my belly looks like a deflated balloon.

Things could be worse but life is certainly very different the second time around.

Yes newborns are kind of predictable as they mostly eat, sleep, poo and repeat.

But throw an energetic, inquisitive toddler into the mix and it does change things….big time!

I must admit we are coping much better than I thought.

Although there have been many tears (pretty much all mine) and a few arguments (mainly started by me), we are working well as a team.

I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting to happen but it’s certainly been an experience and a time of adjustment….and it’s only the beginning!

I have and am still going through mummy guilt for Miss Izzie.

My husband keeps telling me I’m being silly but what would he know right?! (Haha!)

She’s gone from having my full attention to having to share it in the blink of an eye.

So far, apart from showering her baby sister in kisses and cuddles, and a few attempts at giving her scraps of food, we seem to be doing okay.

She has been helping with nappy changes and grabbing things for mummy and daddy too.

I dread the day I see her trying to really help mummy by carrying Miss Phoebe or even dragging her across the floor (yikes)!

As I keep reminding myself every little aspect of this new adventure is all part of the fun of parenting.

We’re revisiting parts of it again having a newborn in the house but we’re also learning what it’s like to juggle two at a time.

They’re still fighting fit and that’s a good start.

Anything that goes wrong from here is their father’s fault (just kidding)!

Although it will be interesting to see how things go once he returns to work.

We’ll save that story for another day.

But for now I’m mostly enjoying being a new mummy for the second time, especially with snuggly newborn cuddles.

On that note, it looks like it’s milk machine time……again!