It’s not really a competition

When did being a mum become so much more than what it is or rather what it should be? Why is it still such an issue over whether women return to work or not once they have kids? What is wrong with a woman staying at home to be with her children rather than working? Why is it seen as an issue if a woman returns to work after having children, like she can’t be at home?

And why oh why do we have the massive competition over who has it the hardest – a mother who is it at home all day and night with her kids or the mother who goes to work during the day and is home all night or even those who work all night and who are home all day?

And then it gets even harder if you are in the crappy position of being a single mum. Those who have full time care and don’t get a break at all or those who have shared care and get the time to themselves. Let me tell you now, it’s no fun sharing your children. Yes there’s a “break” involved but the pain you feel in missing out on time in your small child’s life is no fun at all.

Ladies, no one wins and they shouldn’t because there is no competition. Motherhood is a massive challenge. Yes, it is one most of us take on by choice, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard or full on! Raising children is no easy feat! So, why are we so busy tearing each other down all the time? Why is there this idea that there should be a “perfect mother”? Why does it have to be worse or better or a big deal made over who has it worse or better?? Society and the community we live in, certainly have a lot to answer for and in a way so do we all individually, but the perception needs to change or mothers are going to be worried about more than they really need to be!

I’m not a perfect. I go through ups and downs, questioning my role as a mother all the time. I’m scared I’m ruining my daughter’s lives because of so many stupid things. I worry that I’m not a good mum, that one day they may hate me – probably when they’re teenagers, so it’ll be normal anyway – or just that everything I do for them will make their lives worse. I’ve been told that because I worry about whether I am a good Mum, already makes me one, but the worry and fear never goes away! I’ll forever doubt myself and my abilities but I know I can count on the unconditional love my girls appear to have for me! Awwwww…come back to me when they hit the teenage years, haha!

You never stop being a mum, even when they aren’t around you. It’s a part of who you are. It isn’t necessarily the full story of you and your life but the little monsters in your life certainly help shape you into being the person that you are. And all we can hope for at the end of the day/week/century even, is that the tiny little humans we started with get dished up some karma when they have kids of their own (nah just kidding, haha!). What I really hope for is that my beautiful girls go out into the big wide world and leave the biggest mark they can, in a good way of course!

Until that happens, you’ll find me trying not to compete in this ever changing challenging role and world of motherhood and likely failing miserably, haha!

One foot in front of the other

“Mummy. Mummmmmyyyyy. “Mummmmmm. Watch this!
“MUMMY!
“Why?? Why Mummy? Why????????”

Ever feel like the walls are starting to close in on you?
My favourite saying when it comes to motherhood is “never a dull moment”.
Oh how true it really is!

My girls are forever keeping me on my toes.
Whether it’s constantly yelling for my attention even when I’m already looking at them or deciding to start an argument over a silly toy (when don’t they?!) it just goes on and on.

But no matter what is going on I just feel like there’s never enough time. We just get over one hurdle and are facing another. I spend time with both girls but then I’m faced with the one-on-one dilemma. If I could split myself in half I’d be the best mum ever!

It’s always when you feel you’re getting a handle on things that mum guilt throws you back another ten paces. And mum guilt is a bitch!

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a working mum, a stay-at-home mum, a part-time or full-time mum, however you fill the role, those little monsters…..I mean darling children….know how to make you feel all the feels.

You can spend all the time in the world with them and it might never be enough in their eyes or yours. But know that no matter what you do someone will deem it not enough. But who cares what anyone else thinks?! What matters, or really what should matter, is what you think and you really should give yourself more credit as a mumma!

I know I can’t talk, I’m my own worst enemy, I always have been! And it certainly doesn’t help when Miss Izzie or Miss Phoebe turn the sad eyes on me when I say no for what feels like the millionth time. Ahhhhh it’s a vicious cycle this mum guilt and I imagine it’s not going to disappear anytime soon!

They can take you to the highest of highs and make you proud as punch with beautiful manners, big achievements and cute smiles but things can go pear shaped in the blink of an eye and you find yourself acting as umpire in an impending battle of wills.

But what really warms my heart and brings a smile to my face (other than to see them peacefully sleeping) is when they genuinely get along. It’s amazing to watch them kiss, cuddle and giggle together. I know it’s not going to last forever but I’ll take it while I can get it!

And I guess even though no matter how much time you have, it may never feel like enough and mum guilt will always haunt us, there’s still the best part….unconditional love. Mummy is always their safe place, their warm arms and their go-to spot to make everything better when their little world is turning upside down and there are tears everywhere. And above all else my favourite words are still “I love you Mummy”……

Keeping it real (ish)

I am a mum.

It is a hard job.

Yes I said “job” and yes it is something I chose to do, much like other things in my life.

But that doesn’t take away from the fact that it can be one of the worst jobs to take on.

You can be pushed to frustration beyond belief followed by pure joy in the blink of an eye.

You will, at times, wish to return to pre-children life.

It’s a normal thought process and does not necessarily mean you don’t love your kids, but maybe you might not like them a little bit at times (haha!).

Like I’ve said so many times before I love being a mum, my girls are my world.

More often than not my decisions centre around how it will affect them and yep you guessed it I usually put myself last.

“Me time” is rare but even when it happens the girls aren’t far from my mind, it’s just the way we mums are!

But in the very short time I’ve been a mum I’ve learnt many lessons and I’m still learning……

•Two against one takes on a whole new meaning when it comes to kids.
Some days are better than others but I’m surviving with the two girls….well chocolate and the occasional glass of wine might make it better!

•Multi tasking
Sure I can read a book to my toddler, interact with the baby and hold a conversation with someone else all at the same time!
But I’m not so sure the conversation makes much sense…..”that’s not my pony, it’s….aren’t you cheeky….yep that happened last week”.

•Lists
Yes I’m a bit OCD but if it’s not on the list or in my calendar it probably won’t happen!

•I’m even more creative with words!
Yes I’m well known for being the wordsmith but I’m leaning more towards the use of bad words or trying not to use them! Fudge and sugar have become more popular these days…

•Sleep ins don’t exist anymore (well 7am feels like a sleep in) and don’t even think about staying up late because the kids don’t care if mumma decided to head to bed after 10pm!

•Enjoy the simple things (or reminisce about them)
A trip to the toilet in peace doesn’t exist anymore and having a quiet shower…..hahahaha!

•Karma really can bite
I must have been a cheeky toddler back in the day, I can sense a little bit of history repeating with Miss Izzie and I bet my parents are quietly laughing!

•Don’t make promises you can’t keep! Two-year-olds remember them….they don’t listen to you telling them to pick up their toys but they know if there’s a promise of chocolate or ice cream days after it was meant to happen.

•Cheeky smiles and big hugs are really worth the effort. Lucky they’re so cute….I guess I can’t put them back (just kidding!).

•Unconditional love is real, enough said!

Whether I’ve made you laugh, brought a tear to your eye or made you shake your head, remember that we’re all in this together and there is light at the end of what feels like a very long tunnel!

To all the mums, mums-to-be and those who step up to the role, but as always especially to my beautiful mum, you really are amazing!
From one tired, frazzled, proud mumma to you all, have a very Happy Mother’s Day!
Enjoy being spoilt, pampered and showered with love (and maybe presents) from all the children big and small out there!