Depth of change

Just something a little different….

Who am I?
The cheeky response would be Sheree, of course. But I often wonder if I am anymore. Since becoming a mum, that’s what my label has been. First Izzie’s mum. Then it became Izzie’s and Phoebe’s mum.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being their mum (on a good day that is!). But I also feel a sense of loss sometimes for what happened to the confident, not backwards in coming forwards person I was a few years ago.
I know I’ve changed, we all do as we get older. It’s how we and the people around us handle and react to these changes that determine our path.

It’s World Mental Health Day today (October 10) and I’ve made no secret about my mental health struggles.
I’ve lived with anxiety longer than I was aware it was lurking in the background and more recently I have dealt with depression as well.
I don’t see it as a weakness but just a part of who I am, who I have been and who I have become. It will always be a part of me.
It’s taken a lot of acceptance (and many hours in counselling, which I don’t regret) to actually say that. I’ll still have days where I’ll go backwards and struggle to admit that.
It shouldn’t be seen as any form of weakness to admit you’re having mental health problems but even I struggled to say I needed help. A lot of things in my life went really bad before I finally admitted something was wrong.
I look back now trying to work out what took me so long.

These days I know I’m in a better place, for me. I’ve still got a bit of work to do on myself but I’m getting there.
I have good days, bad days and really bad moments where I get hooked and it’s hard to get out of that headspace.
My first priority is always for my girls. For them to have the best mummy possible. I can’t always be the happiest and sometimes I’m really sad. And there have been many times I have felt like a complete and utter failure. But they sure know how to give an amazing hug to make me feel better.
Little kids may not always understand what’s happening but they definitely have the skills to change a situation, whether it’s making you laugh or giving you a reassurance of some kind.

I think one of the hardest things about living with your struggles is it’s not always easy to explain them in ways so that other people can understand what’s going on in your head. We all have our own ways of dealing with different aspects of our lives and just because someone thinks they have the answer, doesn’t necessarily make it the right one for you. As hard as it is, we really shouldn’t judge other people (even though we all do), you never know the internal battle they may be dealing with.

For me and everything I have been through, talking to my girls about how they’re feeling is even more important and something I think I will try to make a regular habit as they get older. Talking isn’t for everyone, but with so many people struggling with their mental health, I feel it’s something that can make a huge difference. We can all do something to help shed a more positive light on mental health.

“Never judge a book by its cover.”

“Everyone is fighting their own battle and you may never know.”

But always try to be kind to yourself.

Feel free to let me know your thoughts….

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