Living the life of Mum

“Mummy you’re a bum bum face.”
“Mummy you have a big bum.”
“Mummy you’re silly.”
“Mummy I don’t like you anymore.”
“Mummy Mummy Mummy….”
“Mummy I love you.”

Out of the lot I definitely prefer the last one. Not sure I hear it as much as I’d like but I’ll take it when I can.
Kids have no filter. If they want to say something, they will.
It doesn’t matter if it hurts your feelings or not. You have to sort of pretend it doesn’t even if you want to cry big ugly tears. Or sometimes I may just say a few things back to my “lovely” daughters. Not exactly the most adult thing to do, but if you can’t beat them, join them right?!

When I became a mum, my whole world changed.
Everything I thought I knew was turned upside down.
I was catapulted into the unknown, a scary place for me, especially when I’m used to having some sort of control over things in my life.

But motherhood was a role I took on with the same strength and attitude I do with most things in my life, head on.
Did I fail?
Multiple times. Actually more times than I want to remember.
Do I still fail?
Hell all the time.
But I pick myself up and continue.
Why?
There’s two beautiful girls relying on mummy to give them the direction they need in life.
Whether it’s the right or wrong direction remains to be seen, but I’m doing the best I can.

There are days when I feel I can’t do this. And there are days where I’m winning at being a mum (there’s bribery involved of course, haha). I’ve accepted that it’s definitely not easy, take all the help you can – even if you don’t want to and try to keep smiling even when your children are being feral. It doesn’t always work.

I still yell, get annoyed and angry when they don’t listen and then I feel guilty for not being a happy mummy. As mums, we put so much pressure on ourselves to live up to this expectation of being the best mum ever. It’s unrealistic, yet we constantly beat ourselves up over silly little things. I do it all the time. And I have no doubt I will continue to do it for years to come.

My girls are beautiful bundles of endless energy. They run me off my feet. Their attitudes are a little bit at the “already killing me” stage and I know I’ve still got plenty more fun ahead of me. But I would be lost without them. As much as they drive me crazy I’m glad they chose me to be their mum (yeah I did get a tear in my eye).

On that note, I’d like to wish all the mums, mums-to-be, my beautiful and amazing mum and everyone else who fills the role in some way, a very Happy Mother’s Day for this Sunday.
Enjoy being spoilt (if you’re lucky) because if you aren’t already doing all the usual “Mum” things, you will be again the next day!

A moment of reflection

Life sure is different these days.

Both good and bad.

When I became a mother I feel like I said goodbye to a big part of me.

Don’t get me wrong I love being a mum to my two beautiful girls, but I do miss aspects of my pre-baby life.

Aside from the fact I could go to the toilet in peace, I could eat chocolate without having to share, sleep was amazing and going out could be a spur-of-the-moment decision.

And, well…..people used to visit to see us but now it’s really to see the girls.

I can hear you all (well those who visit anyway) saying “but but but…I come to see you too!”

Once again that’s another story.

But after a rough day yesterday where I spent quite some time yelling at my toddler and trying to stop her from killing her sister, I almost feel like giving up.

I honestly felt like the worst mum in the world.

Mummy guilt sure can knock you for six.

I looked out the door and thought about what could be on the other side.

(Freedom!!!! Just kidding!)

But then something magical happened.

I thought about the good stuff like when Miss Izzie hugged and kissed me for no reason and Miss Phoebe gave me one of her gummy big smiles.

And once again things fell into place.

Well after a sneaky piece of chocolate anyway.

Wine would have been better.
Damn this breastfeeding business (haha!).

I’ve never lied about parenting being a hard gig.

There’s no point.

Earlier this week one of my lovely pregnant friends asked if it was hard juggling a toddler and a newborn.

My response was giving birth is easier than dealing with a toddler and a baby right now.

Probably a tad over dramatic (yes I know labour/birth is not easy for everyone) but combining a temperamental toddler with a crying baby doesn’t always result in a good outcome, particularly when daddy is at work!

Especially when it comes to dinner, bath and bedtime!

I mean sitting with a two-year-old for half an hour (or maybe more) while she picks at a small plate of fish fingers, salad and sauce could drive the most sane person crazy!

Who knew eating just sauce constituted a meal?!

But once again I survived, gritted my teeth and kept going.

Why?

Because I have to, I’m meant to and two little girls rely on me to make their world keep moving.

And most importantly because……I am mum.