Up, down and all around

It’s fair to say I’ve encountered a lot in my short time so far as a parent.

I’ve been spewed on, pooed on, weed on and dribbled on.

I’ve been scratched, bitten, pinched, poked, sat on and squashed and had my hair pulled numerous times.

You name it, it’s pretty much happened, well still is happening.
I guess you kind of get used to it all…..eventually!

And with every day producing all kinds of excitement and mayhem, I’ve started to realise and take note of some of the things I say.

Oh the things you’ll hear coming out of your own mouth you never thought possible….that is until you have children.

You can pretty much hear your own parents over your shoulder as the words come tumbling out.

I used to laugh when I overheard other parents telling their kids not to say or do ridiculous things.
Now I think I’m the one being laughed at.

It’s no surprise really considering at times I probably sound pretty silly.

The words can be normal, odd and sometimes extremely random, just like children.

So here goes:

•Don’t pick your nose.
•Don’t touch your poo.
•Don’t drink the bath water.
•That doesn’t go up your nose.
•Don’t lick the shower glass.
•Stop kicking in the bath like you are in a swimming pool.
•Slow down or you will trip over your own feet.
•What have you got in your mouth? That is not food!
•We don’t eat crayons, we draw with them.
•Don’t pat your sister’s head, she is not a dog!
•Don’t squash your sister, you know she will get you back one day.
•Don’t eat your clothes.
•Don’t eat your hair.
•I have no idea what you’re saying, it sounds like another language.
•You have to pay attention and look where you are going, you don’t have eyes in the back of your head.
•Are you even listening to me? Or am I speaking to myself?
•Your bed/the lounge is not a trampoline, don’t jump on it!
•How about you try eating your dinner (or food in general) rather than painting with it?
•Don’t wipe your hands on your clothes, unless you want to do the washing?!
•Why are you putting toys in the bin? (Probably has a lot to do with us threatening to do it, haha!)
•What did I just step in?! (Is it water or wee?)
•Don’t give me a reason to smack you.
•I’m the parent, you are my child, which makes me the boss whether you like it or not.
•Leave that straw in your drink, don’t use it as a toy!
•Don’t make me come in there.
•I’m not even going to ask how you got food up your nose.
•If you don’t start behaving I’m cancelling your birthday! (It was at this moment my husband and I agreed that we sounded like our own parents!)
•You have to brush your teeth or they might fall out.
•If I have to tell you one more time…
•Oh well we can’t go out now because you haven’t eaten your breakfast.
•An oldie but a goodie….I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…

This is just the PG version, I’m sure you can imagine some others! The list could go on and I’ve likely forgotten many but I’m sure there will be plenty more ahead of us.

But I must admit, although at times what I (we) say sounds funny, it’s never quite as hilarious when your toddler throws it back at you!
As always, that’s another story…..

Speaking in tongues

Oh bwee ab a bop ah op oo eeee.

Did you get all that?

Nope me either but I hear it (or quite a variation of it) daily.

Miss Izzie loves a chat and I love listening to my little chatterbox.

But man I wish I could interpret some of her words of wisdom.

It certainly sounds like she has a few stories up her sleeve.

But although it can sound very much like gibberish, there are a few definite words in there as well.

So far we’ve locked down “daddy”(still no mummy mind you), “ta”, “bye bye”, “uh oh”, “hi”, “hello”, “ears”, “yes”, “yum yum”, even “Izzie” is turning up every now and then and of course the one you’ve all been waiting for “no”.

There’s a few words that are still on the fence as mildly confusing.

For example we’ve tried dinner and night night but they both come out sounding like “ne ne” and I’m not even sure how to translate her interpretation of the word duck.

No it doesn’t sound like a certain swear word beginning with F, but there’s no doubt that we’ll be hearing that soon enough.

Yes some days I feel like I have a parrot on my hands and others I may as well be talking to the wall (especially if the TV happens to be on).

However, there is one day I dread.

I’m not so much worried about the swearing, it’s a given in this family.
No my biggest worry is when she works out the word “why”.

I’ve joked that I’ll have an answer for everything but I fear that won’t be the answer she’s looking for.

No doubt the word “why” could become a forbidden one in our house.

But if there’s a bright side to the alien side of toddler speak, it’s watching the interaction with other kids.

They definitely have an understanding of each other like they have their very own language.

From secret giggles to cheeky looks, there’s definitely some chit chat going on.

No doubt it’s often used to gang up on unsuspecting parents!

But if there’s one thing our tiny humans are good at, even without using words, it’s letting us know how they feel.

Whether it’s a high pitched scream, a whiny noise that continues, the stomping of a foot or even having toys shoved in our face, there’s always some form of communication going on, even if we don’t always understand it.

With the constant stream of cute babble, there’s no doubt we’ll have quite the talker on our hands.

Now if only we can convince her that not every animal says “baa”…..

The spoken word

Apparently I’m daddy/dada.

Mind you, so is the toy bunny, television and most other people.

Our darling daughter has decided it’s her word of choice…for now.

Let’s just say I’m definitely not ready for “no”!!

While it may sound cute hearing daddy on repeat, there are times when I long to hear the word mummy.

Although I’ve been told the time will come when I regret that thought.

A few days ago we were having breakfast and I hear daddy for about the 1000th time (slight exaggeration of course), so I tapped my chest and said “mummy”.

The result was both hilarious and exasperating at the same time.

Miss Izzie decided to copy mummy by also tapping her chest and saying “mum mum”.

Trying not to laugh I repeated the whole thing again only for her to point at me and call me dada.


As a stay-at-home mum, I can’t help feeling a little ripped off.

I put hours each day into playing, reading, pushing trikes and preparing food, all I want is to hear that one word.

A good friend of mine has two beautiful girls and I often look to her for advice.

She promises me that soon I’ll be wishing my name wasn’t mummy.

She tells me that mummy is often followed by many questions or sentences, repeated again and again.

The closest I’ve come to hearing mummy is what I can interpret as “yum yum” (see, similar letters), but it’s usually when there’s a mouthful of food involved.

Although there are times I can tell when a rambling of “mum, mum, mum” is going to happen.

Every now and then, more often than not it’s during moments of frustration.
There’s no better way to feel loved than watching your child repeatedly tap a toy or surface and say “mum, mum, mum, mum”.

I guess it’s better than nothing.

Like many mums before me, we all know it’s nothing personal and I must admit I’m pretty proud of the achievement nonetheless.

Another friend had the last laugh when her beautiful little girl decided mum was the better choice and started using mum for her father as well, even yelling it out in public.

We can always rely on kids to keep things lighthearted or embarrassing depending on the situation.

Whether I hear mummy or daddy, there’s no denying that spark of recognition in my daughter’s eyes when she comes to me for cuddles and I’ll never say no to that.

For now I think I’ll just remember to keep repeating “mum, mum, mum” right before my gorgeous girl goes to bed, I swear that’s what her father has done….

A change of dialogue

I’ve been known to drop a few swear words in my life.

Okay so maybe more than a few.
But I had some good teachers.

There’s been many stories shared over the years.

But one that sticks in my mind involves me sitting on the front fence and showing off my fine verbal skills to the young troublemakers of our neighborhood, who in turn apparently found me hilarious.

And so it seems I’ve never really looked back.

Now with lots of little people in my life, including my own little person, I’m doing my best to cut back on the swearing.

I’m not going to lie, it’s a habit that’s tricky to break. Especially when I’ve had a sh.. sorry bad day.

So I’ve been doing some swapping of words when the need arises….which is more frequently than I anticipated.

Sugar Honey Ice and Tea replaces the popular word that also means poo (insert giggle here).

Fudge slips out instead of the well-known f-bomb.

And peed takes care of that word some also use to say they’re drunk or angry.

Sometimes completely obscure words pop out as I realise what I’m about to say and I’ve also resorted to the use of cheeky monkey and ratbag instead of “little sugar honey ice and tea” (I’m sure you get the picture).

I probably sound ridiculous using the alternatives but I figure it’s a lot better than our Little Miss adopting a bad habit at such a young age (and taking after her mother).

I’m not completely naive, I know she’s likely to hear it from other adults and children at some point but I’m willing to give anything a go, no matter how silly I sound.

If all else fails there’s always the option of threatening to wash her mouth out with soap.

For me the foul taste of Tobasco sauce is still strong in my mind after my parents decided they’d had enough of my swearing.

I swear (pun intended) I ate half a tube of toothpaste to try and get rid of the taste off my tongue.

Our little munchkins certainly learn their habits from us and I think I’m going to have to keep reminding myself every time I feel the words forming on my lips.

But before I wrap up, I feel I should take the opportunity here to drag my husband into the mix (I can picture him rolling his eyes already).
Contrary to popular belief, a few unsavoury words have been known to roll off his tongue as well.

So if our darling daughter happens to drop the f-bomb one day, don’t be too quick to point the finger of blame squarely in my direction…..