You were my firstborn. The first time I heard your heartbeat was when I truly realized I was going to be a mum. A role I still struggle to get my head around most days. But you made me a mum and gave me the official title (your little sister certainly cemented it). I gave you life. I brought you into this world after a quick labour, something I will never forget no matter how many years pass. I was so fascinated by how tiny you were (you certainly aren’t now!).
I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning (not sure I do now either), but it seemed to be okay to you because you didn’t care and just wanted me. Sometimes it felt like too much, but what I know now, was just normal. It’s probably my fault you’re very princess-y. I think I was too protective. You did fall over and hurt yourself but I was always around to fix the ouchies. Your sister on the other hand, seems to be more of a tough nut, must be a second child thing!
So why am I so hard on you? Why do I expect so much from you? Why do we clash so easily? Because my darling big girl, you are so much like me it’s not funny (secretly proud but also secretly panicking here, lol). I barely know how to handle myself at times, let alone not one but possibly even two miniature versions of me. You are so sassy one minute and then extremely thoughtful the next. You have my blood pressure rising in an instant and then you remind me of how little you still are a minute later.
But you are truly a star and handle so much of what happens in my life, so incredibly well. You seem to know just when I need you the most and I think it’s one of your best qualities. You could be a little nicer to your sister sometimes though, haha!
You make my whole world crazy, chaotic and also somewhat full and peaceful. There are days I wish you weren’t driving me to the point of insanity and others when I miss you so much it hurts. I will forever be grateful you chose me to be your mum and I hope that some of my good side makes its way to you in some shape or form.
To both of my girls, never stop being the unique and special individuals that you are. Don’t let the world take away your spirit…ahem feisty nature…and just be you!